Responding to Sugar Haters

You may have heard someone say, “haters gonna hate.” However, is it so easy to respond with that when someone criticizes the sugar lifestyle you have come to enjoy? Some people come at the sugar lifestyle, and the people involved in it, without realizing they are hurting anyone. Sometimes it may be someone who has the security of voicing their vitriol behind a computer screen. Other times, it could be a guy who is jealous about the fact that he can’t be a Sugar Daddy like you. It may be easier said than done to shrug it off and let it not get to you. At the end of the day, the only person whose opinion matters is your own.  However, regardless of whether you are just dipping your toe in the sugar bowl, or have been in this life a while, knowing how to deal with things that we hear often can be useful.

Immoral Spendthrift

One of the most common things we hear when it comes to Sugar Daddies is that they only care about themselves and what they have to gain from young women using the financial influence. While money is an important aspect in this life, one can easily shrug this off. If it were only about money, many ladies probably wouldn’t be involved in the sugar bowl. Think of a Sugar Daddy (or potential Sugar Daddy) – is money the only appealing aspect? Probably not. Sugar Daddies pose as mature guys who are confident, secure, successful, and know how to spoil their Sugar Baby more than their young male friends would ever do. Which young lady wouldn’t want a generous partner to treat her with allowances and more gifts every day? Women have things that they are attracted to and care about, for some its looks and for others it is financial security.

They’re Manipulative

Another common criticism is one that attacks a Sugar Daddy’s integrity. Doubters can really think that a Sugar Daddy owns a Sugar Baby once they start spending cash on her. Being a Sugar Daddy isn’t about control.  It’s knowing how to value a young woman as a person. There’s a lot of satisfaction in being someone’s sponsor and taking them from the bottom to the top.  A Sugar Baby could basically work for some random person that she never sees, making them rich, while she makes a paltry salary. Instead, being a Sugar Baby is a pretty smart move on her part as she can develop a personal relationship with her Sugar Daddy.  She gets to have plenty of time to work on whatever she wants, while spending quality time with her Sugar Daddy supporter. While you, her wealthy Sugar Daddy, might be the one making a lot of the decisions about the relationship, it’s a mutually beneficial relationship, so the Sugar Baby has choices, too.  If she didn’t want to be in the relationship or wanted to end the relationship, she has that option.

You’re Promoting High-Class Prostitution

Something I heard often when I first started out as a Sugar Daddy was that I was promoting prostitution. Now, there is nothing wrong with sex work of any kind whatsoever, but if you were to tell a stripper that she was a prostitute she might get mad. If someone tries equating what you do as a Sugar Daddy with prostitution, try to not get mad (in fact, your anger may be exactly the response that they are looking for – so, try to stay level headed if you encounter this type of response from someone). Don’t shame someone for their choice, should they choose to be a prostitute. However, what you are doing isn’t just about sex (and honestly, what you are doing behind closed doors with consenting adults is honestly not anyone else’s business). What you are doing isn’t work – you are in a relationship with a Sugar Baby. There’s not much that is different about a SD/SB arrangement from other relationships. Sure, there’s money involved, but, that allowance isn’t anyone’s business but yours and your young Sugar Baby. Many traditional couples have one individual who makes most or all the money, so claiming the money is the problem with your arrangement is not a good criticism.

You’re Self-Centered

Another common misconception is that Sugar Daddies don’t really care about their Sugar Babies, and that’s why they pay. Now, that is just not true at all. Does that mean that there is anything wrong with you if you aren’t in love with your Sugar Baby? No, of course not! Not everyone in a relationship is in love with the other person, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What feelings are going on in your relationship is only the business of you and your Sugar Baby – if anyone else wants to know, you can simply smile and ask, “why is that so important to know?”  The basis of all SD/SB mutually beneficial relationships is being honest and upfront about what each party wants before starting the relationship, so only people that want the same things out of the relationship form an arrangement.

Learn to Ignore

Now, what do you say if someone rolls their eyes at you and suggests that instead of being a Sugar Daddy, you date in your age range or even stay single till death? Perhaps you can always respond and ask them to define what a “real” relationship is. Again, you are free to ask them why this is so important to them to know.  You might ask if they enjoy their own relationship.  Usually, when people speak badly about other people’s relationships, they probably aren’t enjoying theirs. What’s important is that you enjoy the remaining part of your life, and you’re happy with whom you decide to date. Most likely, they see you living the lifestyle and freedom they wish they had and want to bring you down to their level.  It is best to just ignore these people and not give them the satisfaction of getting a rise out of you.

A Bad Example for Other Fathers/Men

One of the most upsetting things for me to hear, as someone with an extensive background in men’s studies, was that by being a Sugar Daddy I wasn’t a being a good role model. Now, if anyone says that to you, please feel free to shut them down. Actually, feel free to ask them what exactly makes a real man. Everyone can feel free to define that word for themselves and don’t knock what someone else uses to define it for themselves. Remember, at the end of the day, the only person that you have to make happy is yourself; you aren’t living your life for someone else. Being a man for me has a lot to do with empowerment and being a Sugar Daddy empowered me in more ways than I can count. Plus, someone knocking me for my choices is very anti-feminist, since a Sugar Baby has made the choice to be a Sugar Baby of her own free will.

You might hear all sorts of other things – some awful, and some will be empowering and wonderful. You might end up hearing friends who tell you that they wish they could do this. You can decide with time who you want to tell and who you don’t. If you’re anything like me, you will end up with friends who ask you with wide-eyed looks about what it’s like (I suggest only answer what you are comfortable with others knowing). You might, also, end up finding out that other friends of yours are involved in the sugar life too! Remember, as long as what you are doing is safe and makes you happy, it shouldn’t matter to anyone else what you are doing.